This is a new beginning, but where is the end and the start of that new beginning?
Sifting through things, all the detritus that makes up my life, some of it very treasured, I am reminded of how adult siblings take on the task of going through recently deceased parents’ belongings, an entire lifetime of things.
Sometimes it feels that overwhelming, but I chip away, little by little. Boxes, and bags, things to take to Goodwill, or to consignment stores, or to give away. One box with things I am definitely taking. The rest I will pack away to store, for at least 8 months, and perhaps years upon years. I am embarking on something and I don’t know when I will disembark, if a new life awaits elsewhere, or if it will simply be a hiatus from this one.
Some difficult decisions ahead of me, some I have already made.
When I think what are the most important things to me, Adventure is a big one. Also, though, home.
I know I can make that wherever I go, and it is also possible that one can’t have absolutely everything one desires at any given moment. It is always a trade off.
Yesterday , it rained the entire time, with a small break in between. I came out to find one sodden bee, still seeking nectar. I watched while the dog sniffed around, chased squirrels.
The bee, admired closely by me, may have felt some kind of sweetness, and landed on my hand, barely registering as a light ticklish touch. The bee proceeded to explore my skin with his or her mandibles, a light sucking feel. I stayed still, watched the fuzz that was wet, felt the weight of the normally very light insect.
He or she stayed, began to clean him or herself. With legs, with wings, with whirring, with proboscis. I watched it all, fascinated.
There is nothing like watching a bee, and I wondered if he or she was aware of me, as a human that is, as an animal being. Or, if instead, I was simply a safe place to land, like a stick or a leaf.
I even moved inside after some time, and searched for my camera, and came out again into the light. The bee remained with me that entire time, continued to clean herself. Himself? Does gender matter when you are a bee?
It was the gift of the day, the rest spent reading, eating, napping. Sometimes you need those.